Monday, September 3, 2012

you're a little late, i'm already torn


and all of a sudden i find myself knowing, just knowing.

oh mind, can't you work it out with heart so body and soul don't feel quite so torn, quite so vehemently, quite so often?
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if you must know, there has been nothing all too blog worthy for the past few months. or years, really, if you want to get technical. that's not to denote unhappiness, oh no. though don't mistake it for the contrary. it's just a peaceful sense of stagnation that i am okay with. no news is good news, they say. and i agree.

recently i've found myself feeling more than a little annoyed at people who have been complaining incessantly about singapore. granted, it's always been one of my pet peeves because honestly, you'll be hard pressed to find someone who flies the singaporean flag (figuratively, i'm not leading any troops during a parade here) louder and prouder than yours truly.

of course, you know? of course things are better in college. we were essentially playing a 4-year long game of house. most of us, at least. and even those who had jobs only did it to supplement their allowance, not because they had to, not because they had to to put food on the table and clothes on their backs. we were all living adulthood lite and lbr - even now, even now. but in college, all the more so. 3000 miles away from home with all of the freedom and none of the responsibilities. how lovely.

so i get it.

i get it because regardless of my love for singapore, there's a huge, unavoidable part of me that yearns to move away and not-so-deep down, i know i'll be happy. (not necessarily happier, mind you.) for me though there are reasons upon reasons that keep me here. some internal, like fear and familiarity but mostly i know i cannot and absolutely do not want to leave my family. so that in itself is my anchor, an anchor i hold dear and hold true.

so yes,  i do sometimes get hit by these waves of college nostalgia that sometimes render me incapable of coherent speech.

but that doesn't mean you have to detest singapore, that doesn't mean you have to put somewhere else on a pedestal and treat +65 like a prison you have to escape. and my point is this: if it is. if being in singapore is like a neverending jail term, then why not just do something. make a change. make the move. leave.

if something makes you that unhappy, then you have to extricate yourself. it's not going to do it for you.

i wish i could practice what i preach. that would be plenty nice.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

exactly!
well said (: